Tuesday 3rd September 2013
Part 3 [Final part] … ‘Just a Man’ 3
I do hope you read this, and let me know what you think.. Thank you!
Express Yourself ‘Man’ Part 3
[Continued from Luck, Punished or Just a Man #2]
Enjoy the music while reading, this video is absolutely brilliant.
I finished my last post with hospital visit and my eczema ailment. Leaving you with details and web sites to visit if you wish to learn more, so my story will continue from here.
During the following years, my life was trying to deal with things as and when they occurred. Staying out the night whether it be round friends houses or doing a gig or going to a gig I would always try to hide my ailments. When I was puffed out, struggling for breath, I would walk outside or go to the toilet, take a puff from my Ventolin, wait until I regained my breath and felt well enough to rejoin my position from where I was. I never knew if anyone did notice or was aware, no one said anything, whether they were being polite or genuinely did not know, I never found this out. My concern was just trying to keep it out of sight and be as normal as the rest of the people I hung out with. If I started a coughing fit, with Asthma I did regularly, I would almost choke myself at times trying to hold it back, and of course this would make it worse. I did not like the looks I got when I lost control, it was never a dainty cough, it was always a throaty and chesty mucus cough sounding like thunder. Causing people to look. Many many times I held it back, my throat almost bursting, but it was the lesser of the evils for me. Because of this I did not stay round friends houses that much, parties were not for me either, as well as the fact I did not sleep as long as most people, I must have come across as a real bore. I must stress it did not happen as much as I may be portraying here, but it always seem to happen at the wrong time, not that there was a right time. But it was me.
During these and the following years I learnt little tricks of how to keep this from being public knowledge, I still do not really know why I did this. Whether it was to avoid awkward questions, or whether it was my shyness, I cannot say. All I do know is the more I kept it hidden the more I needed to. I could have possibly felt ashamed,or guilty, who knows.
I never used my health as an excuse, or played on it. I want to say that I accepted it and it became part of my everyday life. Never looking at it any differently to other healthier people. I was never into playing sports like my brothers, even though at school I did play tennis and won the school pairs. Maybe I was influenced by health situation, I was actually more into music as my regular readers know, and from the age of approximately 18 I played in various bands. This could cause me problems, but I rode with it. Drinking, which I did do but nowhere near as much as others I was with, I hated the feel of drunkenness and especially the morning after. I did how ever get into drugs quite badly. This I could say ‘another story for another day’ which some individual stories I will post about. I saw some horrific things. I was never into ‘H’ heroin or Cocaine, I was not that stupid, still stupid but not ‘THAT’ stupid. It seemed a natural thing within the music world, and not to forget the era I was in as well. No excuses, my choices. But the strangest thing was, even while under the influence of say, LSD, acid,[click for more info] if I felt the need to have a puff I still disappeared to do so. It did not happen often, the effects of the drugs seem to over-ride my asthma symptoms. This sort of living went on and on and on and on.
Over the years my doctor tested me regularly, tried to do so yearly but in truth this was more like every couple of years. Blood tests and pressure tests, x-rays, scans, most of you know the drill. One time I kept avoiding this and my doctor refused my prescription meaning I had to visit him to get my medication. Cheeky ole doc he was, but he was a good one. Every time the results came with nothing to report, inconclusive. teehee!
Then came January 2012, I was called into my surgery and my doctor gave me the results of earlier tests….I was diagnosed diabetic. I was then told I am on the highest risk category group, what is that, what does it mean? very nerve jangling and worrying news. With the initial support I got, NONE, or very little, I was left to deal mostly with it on my own. March April May 2012 I was sent to hospital for heart checks, because I mentioned pains in my chest. I had tread mill tests, heart monitoring probes. ‘Inconclusive’ The final one was for me to be hooked up to a drip, and then my heart was supposed to be controlled by the doctor, but it never got that far I fainted, well almost but felt very ill. My phobia to needles controlled my mind, I panicked and so the test was halted. ‘Inconclusive’ not been back. All that I have found out about diabetes is from the internet. I do have regular checks and blood tests, but never really been told about the effects the drugs I take may cause or may not cause. High blood pressure or cholesterol levels. High risk group, apart from worrying me what is that all about. I did find out more as time passed and I had to accept my new world.
Oh well I will update as I find out more. I could write more but did not want to bore too much.. There is so much more I could write referring to symptoms and things my body has been telling me, but maybe a future post..hope this has not be too boring for you..Thank you for your patience and please comments welcome.
If you missed my previous two parts – see below links Thank you.
Eczema – http://www.eczema.org/
Diabetes – http://www.diabetes.co.uk/
Beautiful site worth a visit – Angel
LSD or Acid physchadelic drug – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysergic_acid_diethylamide